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Joke of the Day
"I don't want your candy, what I really want is your number."
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"If prisoners were allowed to take their own mugshots they would be called, cellfies."
"My mom bought me a bottle of whiskey as a Xmas gift... She seemed a little upset that I said she should've mailed it ahead of her visit."
"My fish makes so much noise during the night that I wake up six times a night to ask him if we are fighting"
"Whoever said you cannot live off of wine and cheese alone did not try hard enough."
"So God, a Jew and a Zombie walk into a bar... The bartender says, ""Hey Jesus"""
"What do you call a small dog? A subwoofer!"
"How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it."
"What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator!"
"What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete."