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Joke of the Day
"My ex said he would die for me. All I'm saying is, it was his suggestion."
Next Joke
"How does Gandalf know he's pregnant? A wizard is never late."
"Optimist- The glass is half full Pessimist- The glass is half empty Engineer- The glass is twice the size it needs to be. College Student- I can't afford the glass."
"A joke I like my women like I like my coffee. Without a penis."
"I hate when people leave their shit in the bathroom I don't know what's so good about the showers. The toilets are right next to them!"
"my accountant: look at ur currently monthly budget: RENT: $800 GAS: $200 CHEEZ-ITS: $2,750 me: ur right, i need a cheaper place."
"Barry? Yes Joe Can I borrow Air Force 1? I promised this girl we'd eat at the Pizza Hut in France No Joe *Biden slams fist* THIS IS BULLSHIT"
"Liam Neeson's wife asks him to do some household chores Taken: Out the Garbage"
"My roommate is such a hypocrite when it comes to sharing. Apparently it's okay for him to finish my leftover pizza, but it's not okay for me to finish in his girlfriend."
"What do you call it when you thrust a hairy pole in and out of your mouth, and at the end you spit out a white liquid? Brushing your teeth!"