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Joke of the Day

"Barry? Yes Joe Can I borrow Air Force 1? I promised this girl we'd eat at the Pizza Hut in France No Joe *Biden slams fist* THIS IS BULLSHIT"

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, you will pay. You have my Word."

"Snoring comes easily to me. In fact, I can do it in my sleep."

"I went to the Zoo today. I was a bit disappointed, however, as when I arrived I found there was only one dog at the Zoo. It was a Shih Tzu."

"*runs into long lost friend* Him- I started out on the bottom now I'm a district MGR. what do you do? Me- I disappoint people"

"I'm not stalking you but I have managed to trace your family tree back to 1724"

"Friends are like trampolines. I've always wanted a trampoline."

"Every time I text this guy, he replies with ""Sorry, I'm driving."" It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now."

"I invented a SJW alarm clock. It not only tells you the time, it reminds you what year it is, too."

"What does a neckbeard call a woman he meets at a fast food joint? McLady."