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Joke of the Day

"My roommate is such a hypocrite when it comes to sharing. Apparently it's okay for him to finish my leftover pizza, but it's not okay for me to finish in his girlfriend."

"What was the last thing that went through the fly's head when he hit the windshield? His ass."

"I was researching facts about euthanasia... They're extremely malnourished"

"I don't see countries or borders, I don't see color or race or anything that differentiates people. Seriously, I think I fucked up my eyes."

"If you watch the Game of Thrones backwards a family overcomes near death experiences to reunite happily in a castle (plus dragons shrink)."

"So two guys walk into a bar... and the third one ducks."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter;it's not going to come"

"I didn't ask for a sweet roll? Oh, sorry, I thought you had said, ""synonym bun""."

"What do you call a witch who only eats sand? Malnourished."

"I used to be in a band called 500Mb...... But we had to break up because we couldn't get a gig."