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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Asian couples have a caucasian child? Because two wongs don't make a white."

"I was trying to make a joke about leprechauns... ...but I came up short."

"I had sex last night. Man I hate prison"

"KID: *falls out of tree* I'm fine ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I have to turn my whole body to look at you for the next week"

"My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain. Adios Omegas."

"A PIECE OF ADVICE Never play leapfrog with a unicorn."

"I was just accosted by a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling ""why you ain't got no babies?""I bet my father in law paid her"

"Jim ate my sandwich. It was clearly labeled. Jim's email is open on his PC. Jim's son now thinks he's adopted. The sandwich was LABELED."

"I was peeing in the pool the other day... The lifeguard yelled at me so loudly, I nearly fell in."

"You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion."