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Joke of the Day

"KID: *falls out of tree* I'm fine ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I have to turn my whole body to look at you for the next week"

"What do you call a pirate who solves mysteries? A pirate aye!"

"Did you hear Chinese philosophers discovered gravity hundreds of years before Newton? Too bad they had so many durian trees."

"I started a joke but I need help completing it. Two quadriplegics walk into a bar..."

"What's the opposite of Stephen Hawking? Stephen Talking."

"How could a leper afford a nice house? It cost an arm and a leg"

"Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater."

"Do you sell bloodpants? ""Nope"" Shitpants? ""Nope"" Droolpants? ""Nope"" Sweatpants? ""Right this way..."""

"What happens when a nun becomes pregnant? They fire a Canon."

"What did Davey Crocket say at the Alamo? ""Where'd all the roofers come from?"""