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Joke of the Day

"I was just accosted by a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling ""why you ain't got no babies?""I bet my father in law paid her"

"[at interview] Her: In three words or less, tell me why we should hire you. Me: I'm good with numbers."

"The best part of being a crackhead.... Only two more sleeps until Christmas."

"What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One will see you later and the other will see you in a while."

"If I had a dime for every time I lost something between the couch cushions... I would probably lose those between the couch cushions too."

"What do you call a fat mexican jedi? Obese Juan Kenobi"

"A morning-after pill but for when you accidentally hear a Maroon 5 song"

"How do you eat an Indian taco? Lift her gut."

"No, actually I hate gambling, that's why the dice on my shirt are on fire. If I see someone start to gamble I'll burn up his gambling dice."

"A German man walks into a bar.. He stops midway, locks eyes with the bartender and announces: ""This is a scheduled stop."""