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Joke of the Day

"I have a really good relatipnship with the elevator operator. We speak to eachother on so many different levels."

"Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost."

"HR says I'm not allowed to scream ""OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP"" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :("

"I'm glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment."

"""Imma let you spinach"" - Kanye ft. Popeye"

"Another Sunday at Gym Church w/ Pastor Pumpz. We sang ""My Bod is an Awesome Bod"", ""Bod is Great Bod is Good"", and ""Be Thou My Protein"""

"Be serious with unknown girls. Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No... Girl: I am the principal's daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No... Boy: Good! *walks away*"

"If someone knocks on your door, knock back from the other side. That someone will go away. It works. Trust me, I just tried it this morning."

"I don't understand how USB plugs are always upside-down the first time you try to plug them in and ALSO THE SECOND TIME."

"What is the difference between a Mountain Lion and a Guppy? A Guppy likes to muck around the fountain; a Lion likes to fuck around the Mountain."