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Joke of the Day

"Hear about the Donald's ""high energy"" masturbation kit? Tweezers and a magnifying glass."

"Cop: do you know why I was following you? Me: WAS following? Wait you unfollowed me? Cop:haha Me:haha Cop... Me... Is it cause of the drugs?"

"My girlfriend invited me to have some cyber-sex... I thought it was gonna be just some us time but it turned out it was a 4G!"

"[me on my death bed after being trampled at a one direction concert] please tell people it was auto erotic asphyxiation"

"ISIS should hire me... I have a lot of experience when it comes to bombing, especially on final exams."

"New Reality Show: America's Next Top Proctologist. You only advance to the next round if you get two thumbs up."

"[home depot] employee[yelling]: YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN HERE me: [yelling over the sound of revving chainsaw]: WHAT"

"Saw a chameleon today, so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one."

"Sexual Innuendo is really funny until you shove it down someones throat."

"How many dubstep fans does it take to change a lightbulb? Wuh-wuh-wuh-one."