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Joke of the Day

"[me on my death bed after being trampled at a one direction concert] please tell people it was auto erotic asphyxiation"

"Have you seen Stevie wonders house? Neither has he"

"What's the difference between a Ritz and a lesbian? One is a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker."

"The word ""Diputseromneve"" may look ridiculous, but backward it's even more stupid..."

"Two cows are standing in a field One cow says ""moooooo"" the other cow says ""fuck! I was just about to say that"""

"My wife treats me like a God Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering."

"5yo: I want a snack. M: You can have a yogurt smoothie. 5: I NEED CHOICES! M: Ok. You can have a yogurt smoothie or you can have nothing."

"How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of caesars."

"What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Steven Hawking after a housefire"

"Why is six afraid lf seven? Because seven just came back from a trip to West Africa."