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Joke of the Day

"ISIS should hire me... I have a lot of experience when it comes to bombing, especially on final exams."

"What would Donald Trump do to nuclear weapons? He fires them!"

"A sick Patient Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."

"The phone rings, and Dad asks: What does the caller ID say? Mom: It's a private caller. Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher."

"*replies to all sexy dms with pics of my laundry pile"

"My wife and I have a new arrangement. I can sleep with any woman I want, but she doesn't speak to me or live with me anymore."

"What do you call a Mexican Baptism? Bean Dip."

"Why did the otter cross the road? To say ""hello from the otter side"""

"Veni, VD, vici I came, I caught, I cankered"

"What was the bridge player's political view? No-trump!"