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Joke of the Day

"How many Sanders supporters does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, they can't change anything."

"Me: I can't believe we have $900 for Christmas gifts this year! Fridge: I don't feel well. I think I have a fever."

"What do you call a limbless swimmer? Bob."

"I pushed a hipster down the stairs today... He's still Tumbling!"

"Cool prank: lead 50 pugs to the top of a waterslide & send them down 1 by 1 as the parents waiting at the bottom get increasingly confused"

"King George. One day George is going to be king, thats not bad going for some one who started at Asda."

"Probably the worst & the best thing about having King Kong go crazy in your town would be the huge, monster genitalia."

"I treat you like a son But you treat me like a son of a bitch! Made me laugh for 5 mins when I heard it lol"

"To the woman who keeps pounding on my door at night: I'm not letting you out."

"[1st day at Subway] Boss: u said u'd done this before Me: [painting myself in marinara sauce] I'm really more of an abstract sandwich artist"