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Joke of the Day

"Are you afraid of quantum mechanics ? Dont worry, it's gonna be Feynman."

"I'm really tired all the time, I think I have stereo... It's like I have mono times two"

"Casey Anthony is still unemployed...? She should have a pretty good resume though. She had a job as a mother once and killed it!"

"When a man falls asleep next to me, I like to sniff his arm pit. Then he usually gets mad, I have to ride a different bus, it's a big mess."

"People tend to put their faith in a higher power. But to me that's just a primitive solution."

"Kiss her in the middle of her sentence chicks dig when you visit them in jail"

"Pope Francis will bring a rabbi and a Muslim leader with him when he travels to the Holy Land this week. Or as bartenders put it, ""We've been expecting you."""

"Can someone wake me up when this nightmare is over? *lies on floor, closes eyes tight* (in customer service line at Walmart)"

"You wanna know what's lame? Disabled people."

"Maybe we should put Obama on the $20 bill Then we would finally get the change he promised."