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Joke of the Day

"If you don't do stupid things while you're young, you'll have nothing to smile about when you're old."

"I got a shopping cart today with 4 working wheels, it was full of lingerie models and self confidence and I was dreaming"

"That moment when you check the price tag and sadly walk away."

"Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party? To find a tight seal"

"So I started chatting up this Asian girl after a little while she said, sex, sex, sex, free, sex for you. Her friend quickly pointed out that she was giving me her phone number 666-3642"

"What is a pirates favorite letter? Many think it's R, but his first love be the C."

"Jeopardy Contestant: Saturday night for $400 Alex: This when the song Tennessee Whiskey is playing in the background Contestant: What is Jacking Daniels?"

"(Breaks car window to save a dog) Guy: I'm in the car! Me: Yeah but it's hot Him: The AC is on! Me: Can I get in? It's really hot out here."

"Q: What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? A: The man."

"*gets fired the first day on the job as an EMT for trying to cook a frozen burrito with the defibrillator*"