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Joke of the Day

"if you come into a restroom & announce that you've ""had to piss for two hours"" I'd better hear a strong, frothy stream for at least a minute"

"*confidently throws the empty macaroni box in the garbage because I don't need instructions* *pulls the box back out 3 times to make sure*"

"I hope 2016 doesn't get renewed. The plot is ridiculous and none of the characters are likable."

"I have the body of an 20 year old... ...but it's starting to stink up my basement so I'm thinking I'm gonna burn it."

"Fun Fact By law, fun facts don't have to be true, but actual facts do. Just a fun fact I thought I'd share."

"Somebody cut me off on the highway today during a rainstorm, and started hydroplaning in front of me. I was cross with them at first, but then I just let it slide."

"When my kids get too loud in our minivan I simply race over the nearest speedbump to make them bite their tongues."

"All of Donald Trump's wives are foreigners... Turns out there really are jobs American's won't do. Source: Mitt Romney's response to an interviewer's question."

"What do you call a very rude bird ? A mockingbird !"

"What do you call a Rhinoceros in heat? Horny."