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Joke of the Day

"I have the body of an 20 year old... ...but it's starting to stink up my basement so I'm thinking I'm gonna burn it."

"My gf won't get the remote that's in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she'd be shopping already."

"*ruins your party with a can of Serious String*"

"Have you ever heard a joke with no punchline?"

"As soon as he clicked on the title he realized that someone was narrating him while he was browsing reddit. He chuckled and left an upvote, ready to read some more jokes."

"What do chemists say when they smell something that they don't like? Pu"

"I snatch kisses... ...and vice versa."

"[reading message i found in a bottle that drifted onto the beach] to myself: ""updog.. what's updog?"" [another bottle hits my foot]"

"Why is New Jersey called the Garden State? Cause you're always guardin' your wallet, guardin' your car, and guardin' your house."

"Warning to shoplifters: Anyone caught shoplifting will be beaten gagged whipped and tortured. Any survivors will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law."