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Joke of the Day

"In America, someone is shot every 15 seconds. How is that person still alive?"

"SPOILER ALERT: Unrefrigerated milk goes bad quickly."

"What did Palpatine order in the drive thru? Friiiiiiies"

"what You Call That 'THING'. After two hours of row, some big oaths,search of your wallet,mobile phone checking,and negative comments you can not make one 'THING' satisfied and thats called 'WIFE'."

"My wife said ""why do you always treat me like a cunt?"" I didn't know what to say, so I just put 2 fingers in her mouth and licked her nose."

"*Receives good, solid, sound advice. *Does exact opposite."

"In Photoshop, is there any way to make it look like I'm not dead inside?"

"I've decided I'm not going to have kids. I love babies, but I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook."

"I once held a PHD in the field of literature And then he asked me to put him down and pick up all the books I threw all over the grass"

"[Ouija board] ""Hey spirits, talk to us"" W H A T S U R F R I E N D S N A M E H E S C U T E ""fml"""