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Joke of the Day

"[Ouija board] ""Hey spirits, talk to us"" W H A T S U R F R I E N D S N A M E H E S C U T E ""fml"""

"I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine, he gets better with age..... The next day, she locked me in the cellar."

"CIVIL ENGINEER: ok let's build stuff. UNCIVIL ENGINEER: *smashes popsicle stick bridge*"

"I carry a knife whenever I'm running late to work because that's what Counterstrike taught me: ""You always run faster with a knife""."

"What did the bus conductor say to the frog? Hop on."

"So apparently not every chubby guy with a mustache is named Mario. My bad, dad."

"I just smoked so much pot that I tried to order one of the dishes of food off the scrolling instagram menu."

"What's red, round and goes up and down, up and down? A tomato in an elevator"

"New years eve. An evening of fun, alcohol, laughter,, family, and friends Or at least that's what it could have been if you weren't sat here browsing reddit"

"Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."