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Joke of the Day
"What did Palpatine order in the drive thru? Friiiiiiies"
Next Joke
"[baby sitting] ""Hey, yeah it's me. No, everything's fine. Just a quick question about his legs."" ""..."" ""So how many legs did he have?"""
"I'm at my parenting best when I randomly yell out ""be careful!"" every few minutes without looking up from my phone."
"If you're looking for candy corn, look no further than my trash can."
"TV before 6pm: ""Men are idiots."" TV after 6pm: ""Women are idiots"" TV after midnight: ""Abs are easy to get!"""
"Why did Hillary go to the gynecologist? She was feelin' the Bern!"
"What do you call a German taking a shower? A Showerkraut."
"DR DOG: have you been taking your diabetes meds daily? PATIENT: no DR DOG: *hits him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper* Bad patient!"
"What kinds of birds are raised by only their mothers? Blackbirds"
"Does a cow give milk? No, they have to take it from her"