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Joke of the Day
"A book fell on my head today... I've only got my shelf to blame."
Next Joke
"What do men and tile floors have in common? ...if you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years."
"Did I ever tell you about the industrial prostitute? She had a vagina surgically implanted on her hip. So she can make money on the side."
"I want the Cowboys to come to my funeral so they can let me down one last time!! (Shots fired)"
"[creation] GOD: Let's name some of you bugs FLY: Me first! GOD: Okay...Fly FLY: Hell yeah! BUTTERFLY: Now me! GOD: Hmm...Butterfly FLY: Sonuvab-"
"ME: can u pick me up in ur claws DRAGON: go AWAY dammit ME: can u just put me in ur mouth plsI wanna look out from ur teeth like im in jail"
"What do you call a smug criminal going down stairs? A Condescending Con Descending."
"Wife: Put the dishes away I have other things to do. Me: ok *Me loading dishwasher with wife watching entire time to ensure I do it right*"
"Sometimes I'll go to a grocery store and rotate all of the Tide detergents 90 degrees and yell ""THE TIDES HAVE TURNED!"" until I'm kicked out"
"So my dad gathered all of us kids together and said ""Now I'm only going to say this once!"" .... then turned and walked away."