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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I'll go to a grocery store and rotate all of the Tide detergents 90 degrees and yell ""THE TIDES HAVE TURNED!"" until I'm kicked out"

"If you made a wall hanging out of cheap necklaces bought from the merch tables at small, underground rock concerts... Would you have a Decoration of Indie Pendants?"

"Santa has elves. America has China."

"Rapture's tomorrow. Christians will be flying up into the air to meet Jesus. Two words: DUCK HUNT"

"3-year-old: *stares at the baby* What does it do? Me: Nothing yet. She's not here to entertain you. 3: Me: 3: Can we get one that is?"

"Did you hear about the girl who went on a date with a cannibal? I hear he ate her pussy."

"Knock, knock. Go fuck yourselves. - The straight-laced and frustrated FBI agent, played by Tom Hanks', joke in the movie Catch Me If You Can."

"What do you call cheese that is by itself? Provolone"

"I was working on a new rape joke, but i couldn't get the punchline to flow right. It just came off sounding too forced."

"Instead of accusing me of eating your leftover pie, ask yourself why you had any left to begin with, quitter *said thru a mouthful of pie*"