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Joke of the Day

"Pimples are a rising issue And a pressing matter"

"What aspect of the game do women soccer players like most? Getting that good D"

"I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats. * pew pew *"

"""I am inspiring"" -Russian guy who's about to get kicked out of his spy ring"

"I deliver jokes the same way UPS delivers packages... ...mangled and missing the most important parts."

"What's the difference between a shopping cart and a radical feminist? A shopping cart will, on occasion, exhibit a mind of it's own"

"[Commercial for narrators] Narrator: Don't you wish someone would tell you important information in a soothing voice? NARRATORS"

"I'm quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven't lost a pound and I'm getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal."

"The teacher asks little Timmy why he brought his cat into school... and he replied, "" My daddy said to my mommy he's going to eat that pussy tonight!"""

"It took me 13 years but I finally deleted most of my e-mails."