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Joke of the Day

"I'm quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven't lost a pound and I'm getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal."

"Hatton: I ain't as dumb as I look! Folsom: You couldn't be!"

"Resuming Windows... Resuming Windows is like going back to sex after being interrupted. It doesn't feel the same and you end up restarting."

"BRAZIL: Can you describe your attacker? RYAN LOCHTE: You wouldn't know him. He goes to another Olympics. #LochteGate"

"Why is it so difficult to convict a redneck? Because they all have the same DNA and no dental records."

"Reddit will end with not a bang, but a Pao."

"Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide."

"I have sex almost every night! Almost Monday night, almost Tuesday night..."

"If her age isn't on the clock, she is ready for the cock."

"Dad: Where were you? Earth wire: Hanging out with live and Neutral Dad: You grounded"