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Joke of the Day

"""I am inspiring"" -Russian guy who's about to get kicked out of his spy ring"

"I think my neighbor's dog is in heat. She's been crying the last 2 nights. I may need to take one for the team if I want to get some sleep."

"Q. How do men define a ""50/50"" relationship? A. We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle."

"how many months have 28 days in them . All of them."

"I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week."

"Someone hired a sloth with a knife to murder me, he's in my driveway, so I have 6-8 months to live"

"Did you hear about the math teacher who forgot his lunch money? He buynomeal"

"Him: Come check out my church! Me: Him: They play rock music! Me: Him: It's cool! Me: Does it have church in it? Him: Yes... Me: *click*"

"Q: Did you hear about the imaginary tree? A: It was mapleleaf."

"The opposite of Thanksgiving leftovers is Thanksgiving rightunders. I'm so sorry"