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Joke of the Day

"[Commercial for narrators] Narrator: Don't you wish someone would tell you important information in a soothing voice? NARRATORS"

"Why do men want to marry a virgin? To avoid criticism and comparison."

"I have constipation. ..I don't give a shit."

"What car does Luke Skywalker Drive? a toy-""Yoda"""

"What's the difference between sex and a corporation? In sex the person on top does most of the work."

"Everyone wants a bigger house until you have to dust Now I'm dreaming of a one room shanty inside a bubble"

"This Halloween, I put a potato in my pants and ordered people around. I was a dictator."

"The bad zoo A man walks into a zoo. The only animal in the zoo is a dog. It's a shizhu"

"How many Borg does it take to change a light bulb? All of them."

"Me: Omg all the kids are asleep! I can finally sit and relax! Dog: Yeah. About that. *pukes all over living room*"