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Joke of the Day

"""You're stepping on all the cracks, but you don't have to worry about it because your mother's dead"" - my seven-year-old to me this morning"

"Why do elephants where pink shoes? To hide in the grass. Have you ever seen an elephant with pink shoes? No? Good hiders, aren't they?"

"When I see starving children in 3rd world countries, I get so sad knowing there's no way they'll ever be able to retweet me."

"So a woman's eye fell out of her socket and landed in the middle of her breast. ""BOOBS-eye!"" she said."

"I forget what I used to do with my arms before I got my iPhone. Did I hang them down by my side? Straight above my head? I really forget."

"Threesome So, I finally talked my wife into having a threesome... So she said the only condition is that she pick the other girl... So I told her no... I will pick both of them.."

"If y is dependent upon x, that means y is determined by x. So we could call y the determinant. If that's true, then we can call x Arnold... because it's de-terminator. Heh."

"My wife was shocked when she came home from work last night. I'd wired the door handle to the mains."

"What's the difference between a Russian bot and a sincere Trump supporter? One of them actually exists and the other *ees teepeecal Amyerikyan pyatriot*."

"What's the difference between a redneck, and a SJW? A redneck's trigger actually does something"