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Joke of the Day

"I forget what I used to do with my arms before I got my iPhone. Did I hang them down by my side? Straight above my head? I really forget."

"THEM: Hey, I haven't seen you for a while. ME: As planned."

"Asian phone book Do you know why Asians have a phone book? Because there's so many Wing and so many Wong someone might Wing the Wong number"

"A Priest, rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar And orders a drink"

"Your an idiot. -You're. What? -You're not your. But I said it. I didn't type it. We're talking. -Yeah but I heard the typo. You're an idiot."

"Q: How many movie directors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Just one but he wants to do it thirty-two times and when he's done everyone thinks that his last lightbulb was much better."

"What's small, gray, and came in little cans? Michael Jackson."

"Did you hear about the Buddhist Viking? He believed he'd be Bjorn again"

"I used to do the ""hokey pokey""... But I turned myself around."

"Bring a Knife on a Date! When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."