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Joke of the Day

"My wife was shocked when she came home from work last night. I'd wired the door handle to the mains."

"""Sensitive"" guys who only retweet chicks, you're not fooling anyone."

"What noise does a train say when it eats Chew Chew *crap joke*"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Avery ! Avery who ? Avery time I come to your house we go through this !"

"What does my dad do when he's drunk and bored? Beats me"

"My friend Billy... My friend Billy, Had an eight foot willy, dragged along the kitchen floor. His girl thought it was a snake, and whacked it with a rake and now it's only three foot four."

"I want to open a religious store called Mysterious Ways... ...just so I can watch God work."

"Formulae for finding the stopping time of a musical object? E=MCHammer... you know what just down vote I don't care any more. _ I'm fed up being gay!"

"Ancestry.com will not get a cent of my money until they can tell me which apes I came from."

"Q: Why do they call a horse a horse? A: Because they speak English."