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Joke of the Day

"My wife was shocked when she came home from work last night. I'd wired the door handle to the mains."

"What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom!"

"I hate w.hen my period comes early"

"ME: I used to lay in the dark and invite spirits to inhabit my body. HER: Did they? ME: [levitates, engulfed in flames] WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

"What do you call a man from Portugal? A Portugoose. Because you cant have one gees."

"Did you hear about the new Jewish car? It stops on a dime and then picks it up."

"Girl, my life is full of tragedy. In 1997, my girlfriend was killed by a guy named Sephiroth. AND she was our party's only healer :("

"Why didn't the blond call 911? She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad."

"What did the Chinese man say when ophthalmologist told him he had a cataract? *No, I have a Rincoln Continental!*"

"A moment of silence for all those who are stuck in traffic, trying to get to the gym, to ride stationary bikes..."