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Joke of the Day

"What has 3 thumbs and was born near a nuclear power plant? This guy"

"I wish I had the confidence in humanity that Guinness had when they bought a 9,000 year lease."

"I always go the extra mile for my wife Ever since she took out that restraining order"

"IS your father in prison? If I was your father I would be in prison."

"This October has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays all in one month. It happens only once in 823 years. waw."

"Coaching my son's soccer team, I thought moms would be all over me - no! They are always, ""The popsicles are for AFTER the game."" Bitches."

"I just punched Dwayne Johnson in the ass So I guess I've finally hit rock bottom."

"My gf won't get the remote that's in the other room, but if my wallet was at the bottom of an ocean she'd be shopping already."

"To the co-worker who had a 17 min conversation with me and didn't tell me I had a smudge on my forehead. It's on!!"

"One i made up for my mexican friends. If a Rabbi blesses food it's kosher. What do you call enchilada sauce bkessed by a priest? A: HOLY MOLE' Thank you, I'll be in r/dadjokes all week!"