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Joke of the Day

"Fun prank: 1. Steal your married friends phone 2. Change your name to 'Brandi from the club' 3. Call repeatedly at 3AM and hang up"

"Who got only one visitor his entire life, got banished from the family and still lurks around with hope? Pluto."

"Self-promoting on the walls of a public bathroom is weird but always having the Sharpie on hand is weirder. Anyway for a good time call me."

"Slaves and snow tires What's the difference between a slaves and snow tires? Snow tires don't sing when you put a chain around them."

"What's another term for anal bleaching? Changing your ring tone."

"How on earth can you defend a man like Adam Johnson? it's easy, he's all left foot - just constantly show him down the right side and don't let him cut in."

"I went to a strawberry picking competition the other day, a woman with no arms and legs won it. Jammy cunt."

"What do u call a midget mexican Paragraph because he isnt a full essay"

"THIS IS THE POLICE. COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. ""Wrong house guys."" ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? ""Yup, happens a lot."" OKAY COOL, SORRY."

"What's the difference between family bonding and family bondage? One is forced and borderline torture, the other is sex."