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Joke of the Day

"You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead."

"Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs? So that you can tell them apart from feminists"

"What's the difference between spit and swallow? A firm grip on the back of her head."

"Don't waste your time going to the library looking for books on suicide..... no one ever brings them back."

"Arron Hernandez found guilty of first-degree murder He has been sentenced to life in prison without parole. I'm not quite sure how much longer he is going to remain a ""tight end"""

"Stephen Hawking can actually be pretty funny sometimes... But I don't think he's got what it takes to do stand-up."

"Did you hear the joke about the deaf guy? He didn't either."

"The Special Olympics is like Nascar. You're not watching it for the race..."

"Equally cool alternatives to air guitar: Air slap bass Air harmonica Silent pig auctions Balloons hitting people The letter Q"

"A Hot Romance While watching a romantic movie, my wife leans over and whispers in my ear ""I want you to make me sweaty and wet."" So I shut off the fan."