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Joke of the Day
"I thought my watch ran out of battery power... It scared me for a second."
Next Joke
"Why is Superman wanted by the police? He is wanted for being the Man of Steal."
"Why do robots make bad boyfriends? They just screw, nut, then bolt."
"What's the hardest part about cooking a vegetable? Putting the wheelchair in the oven"
"Please take selfies. There are enough pictures of sunsets and airplane wings. Your face is more interesting."
"At the cinema. ME: Two tickets please! CASHIER: For the Hobbit? ME: How dare you sir, she's my date."
"You know you are getting old when you have to scroll down, scroll down, and scroll down some more, to select the year you were born."
"Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed"
"Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes... That way you're a mile away from them, and as a bonus you have their shoes."
"Assistant: Uh sir? Your personalized jean jacket is very cool but it looks like the store screwed up. It says STAN on the back. Satan: WHAT"