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Joke of the Day

"Why do robots make bad boyfriends? They just screw, nut, then bolt."

"If anyone tried to steal my identity I would just think ""now it's their problem."""

"Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a car accident? He's alright, though."

"In Theory... In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they never are."

"Nervous about speaking in front of a crowd of people? Imagine everyone is wearing an Ed Hardy shirt"

"My teacher asked me if I knew any anagrams of ""denied"". I said, ""Indeed""."

"[February 12] Henry VIII: jeez walmart is out of cards, flowers and chocolate. She's going to kill me! Unless... [February 13] beheads wife"

"Dad always said ""Time to hit the sack!"" before bed. Not sure how getting punched in the testicles helped him sleep, but that was just dad."

"A disciple asked, ""Master, is it okay for a monk to use emails?"" ""Yes, son,"" the guru quipped, ""as long as there are no attachments."""

"I just got in touch with my inner self today http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2xs04j/today_i_got_in_touch_with_my_inner_self/"