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Joke of the Day

"Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed"

"My grandma once told me... that she is a virgin"

"I just removed all my German friends from my phone Now I have a Hans-free device"

"[speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens"

"I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad."

"A robot walks into a bar, orders a drink, and lays down some cash. The bartender says, ""we don't serve robots."" The robot replies, ""oh, but some day you will."""

"13: Dad, do you believe in miracles? Me: Do you remember spray painting my car? 13: yeah M: Are you breathing? 13: yeah M: Well, there ya go"

"ME: I'm heading to the shop ROOMMATE: What are you going to get? ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments"

"A priest walks up to a rabbi and says . . . ""Been in any good jokes lately?"""

"Humans are constantly amazing me; like how vegan is a thing but hibernation isn't? Wtf."