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Joke of the Day

"Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed"

"Her: Dude, back off. You're totally scaring away all the hot guys checking me out at the gym. Me: You do realize I'm your boyfriend right?"

"What is the most said band name during the holidays? U2"

"Yoga may be the key to your flexibility. Alcohol is the key to mine."

"AMA character from the Universal Studios Harry Potter world Really! I'm Sirius!"

"Is syphilis forever? Or is it kinda like... Clap on, Clap off?"

"What do you get when you cross a foot with cookware? Potato!"

"What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? Sparky"

"Eating pussy is like subway eat fresh."

"""Cool, I love candles. What's with the knives? Wait, stop. Please stop!"" - pumpkin"