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Joke of the Day
"I cut my finger chopping cheese... I think that I may have grater problems."
Next Joke
"Thanks for keeping your Instagram account private. I'd hate for those pictures of your lunch to fall into the wrong hands."
"I started playing a new drinking game recently, Every time I am depressed I take a drink. That game is called alcoholism."
"[invasion] *aircrafts dropping from the sky *explosions everywhere *mass hysteria Me scrolling phone: Where was that alien invader gif?"
"I said to my neighbour Jamal... I said to my neighbour Jamal, ""You're like marmite, you know Jamal."" He replied, ""What? You love me or hate me?"" I replied, ""No, you're black and you fucking smell."""
"Why does an elephant have four feet? Because he'd look pretty silly with four inches."
"I tried to join the Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting but all the seats were taken."
"Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?"
"""I have a split personality."" ...said Tom, being frank."
"What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts."