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Joke of the Day

"At the cinema. ME: Two tickets please! CASHIER: For the Hobbit? ME: How dare you sir, she's my date."

"What do you call a camel with no humps? Humpfree! :P"

"What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise."

"Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there's an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien."

"Where did Hitler keep his armies? In Poland, France, and Czechoslovakia."

"I need a guy who's cute charming smells good smells really good like cinnamon and sugar and flaky crust and actually I just need some pie"

"The pirate was pretty tired... He YARwned."

"Do not hit a woman... Do not hit a woman. Cause after all the shit, you need someone to make you a sandwich."

"Men who shave their arms and legs probably shave their vaginas as well."

"Who's the coolest guy at the hospital? The ultra sound guy. Who's the coolest guy when he's not around? The hip replacement guy."