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Joke of the Day

"You think the dozen roses on my toilet tank are there to mask odor? Read the card: ""Dear toilet. I'm so sorry for all the shit I've done..."""

"After I orgasm, I yell ""Aaaaand scene."" Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say ""Ummm. We'll call u."""

"A Woman's place is not in the kitchen Cause that's where all the knives are."

"I'm sorry I threw up all over your carpet when you referred to your spouse as your ""lover""."

"What's beef jerky? Dried parts of a cow that had Parkinson's."

"How do you piss off 2 feminazis? Put them in a room with each other"

"Beethoven walks into a bar... The bartender tells him, ""we don't serve any E-minors here."" Beethoven says ""what?"""

"I slept with 4 girls last night... And the floor of the hotel room killed my back."

"I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth.. Now her friends call me ruthless. EDIT: Got hacked. Password and emailed changed, this post was changed to something else for a brief period by the hacker."

"How quick she mentions her husband/fiance/boyfriend is directly related to how creeped out she is by you."