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Joke of the Day

"*comes home from work *wife jumps in my arms *sees I'm crying wife: Why are you crying? me: You just crushed all the Oreo's in my fanny pack"

"Confucius say, ""Happy wife lead to soft hands... Unhappy wife lead to softer hands."""

"When I think about it, Gaston really was a peaceable chap... It's a shame. He was a shoe in for the No-Belle prize."

"Imagine if every Sunday all your friends decided to only speak in a foreign language. That's how I feel during football season."

"My mom should have been on a plane that crashed on 9/11 *I* think."

"I shoudl not be expected to put my knee on the ground to propose to a woman, the same ground where the animals shit,"

"Why did the hipster's mouth hurt? Because he ate pizza before it was cool."

"What was Dodi Fayed's favorite state? In Diana"

"Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap. There were a lot of casual tees."

"What do you call a bear with no teeth? A faggot with dentures."