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Joke of the Day

"Confucius say, ""Happy wife lead to soft hands... Unhappy wife lead to softer hands."""

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"What did one cell say to his sister that stepped on his toe? Mitosis"
"""Today's special is a grilled Chilean sea bass with white wine reduction. We recommend Instagramming it with the 1977 or Apollo filters..."""
"There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data"
"What's it called when you have decided to stop eating cold turkey sandwiches?"
"Dad: What do you want for your birthday? Me: I want a gf thats not crazy. Dad: You should ask for something more realistic. Like a dragon."
"If two wrongs make a right... Then what do two wrights make? A plane."
"What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird ? A feather boa !sna"
"I can see smoke on the horizon. God I hope it's rest of Monday burning to the ground"
"What does Shrek say when he wins a game of chess? Shrekmate."