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Joke of the Day

"Him: You're married? Me: Well, it's Thursday. So, yeah. Him: What about on Friday? Me: Depends how Thursday goes."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bashful ! Bashful who ? I can't tell you I'm so embarrassed !"

"Make sure your worst enemy is not living between your own two ears."

"My wife texted me at lunch ""Window's frozen"" ""Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel"" I replied. Ten minutes later, she called back. ""We need a new computer now""."

"I'm absolutely sick and tired of my wife not cleaning out the coffee machine after she's finished with it. Grounds for divorce."

"Following in David Bowies footprints.... Well, David Bowie the gender bender is no longer alive on this earth - OK Caitlyn, it's your turn!"

"I'm going to stop wearing cologne and taking showers... Because if I'm going to smell like an asshole, I'll do it all natural."

"I can't watch porn with a storyline cause I get too invested and end up worrying about the delivery man losing his job for taking so long :("

"Me: I'd like to adopt that baby. Clerk: Sir, that's a family sized platter of Super Nachos."

"I lost 140 unwanted, useless, life-sucking pounds - in only 6 weeks! I got a divorce."