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Joke of the Day

"I'm absolutely sick and tired of my wife not cleaning out the coffee machine after she's finished with it. Grounds for divorce."

"Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? because he was outstanding in his field."

"Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots."

"Why did the elephant paint his balls green? Answer: to hide in avocado trees.. How did Tarzan die? Answer: Picking avocados"

"Why did the gold fish cross the road? To go to /r/antijokes"

"I really love bikes. I'm a pedalphile."

"I've decided to shave off my eyebrows and draw them in. It's pretty cool, except when I have to redraw them to show somebody I'm angry."

"My girlfriend broke up with me for gaming too much... What a silly thing to Fallout 4."

"ME: I have crab like reflexes DAD:I think you mean cat like reflexes ME: [sitting in pot of boiling water] what"

"Why isn't the word gangster pronounced [Jang-ster]? Because there ain't no such thing as a soft 'G.'"