49322

Joke of the Day

"(CPR class) Wife to instructor: What if my knees start to hurt? Me to instructor: See what I'm up against?"

"Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago."

"My patient was refused his organ transplant. But I didn't have the heart to tell him."

"BEST ADVICE: Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them."

"Where do people from Laos like to swim? In Laotian."

"What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear? A barracuchi."

"What's the difference between an epileptic cornhusker and a hooker with diarrhea? One shucks between fits..."

"You make every other name that comes up on my phone a disappointment."

"What did the male mountain say to his wife? What's the Matterhorn-y?"

"honestly it just makes me fat free italian when u tell me salad dressings aren't a good way to describe emotions"