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Joke of the Day

"Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago."

"*hangs a vacant sign on your forehead*"

"""I'm a model."" I see. And does anybody else know that?"

"Thought Experiment: Stand on a scale in an elevator. Cut the cable. You, the scale, and the elevator fall -- scale reads zero"

"What did Will Smith say to Carleton when he asked if he was ready to leave their yoga class? Nah I'ma stay."

"Two submissives sitting in a tree. N O T H I N G"

"Chuck Norris There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris. It was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives."

"My GF was brutal when we moved. Told me anything not used in the past 6 months had to go... I just looked down and gave my condolences"

"What do Germans call a flying jew? Smoke."

"Four years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."