191909

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between an epileptic cornhusker and a hooker with diarrhea? One shucks between fits..."

"My naughty parts are starting to tingle! I usually only feel like this in my genitals."

"Had to get up at 8 o'clock to work. That's 8 in the MORNING. Like a fucking farmer or something."

"I'd love to change the world. But I don't think there is a diaper big enough to hold all the shit."

"Humans are like grapes... Grapes are green or purple, and a human has colors too. A grape is picked, and eaten by a human. Then we die of old age. I'm not good with metaphors."

"I haven't told many people... But last night I was sexually assaulted. Though eventually, I managed to beat him off."

"What do you call noodles that aren't spaghetti? Impastas"

"CNN is fucked if their viewers ever discover they can access the Internet on their own."

"I don't think the church is going to let me pick music for the bible group again. In my defense, the band name ""Lamb of God"" is misleading."

"I always cary a clump of my hair in my pocket so when people say, ""I like your haircut"", I can respond with, ""Thanks. Here, have some."""