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Joke of the Day

"I got a job installing elevators It's some next level shit"

"Pugh, Pugh, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert, Dibble, and Grub. Trumpton is on."

"How can you tell if a potato is baked? It's [eyes](http://i.imgur.com/KwCyY.jpg) are all red and glossy."

"I recently started the new Brexit diet So far I've lost hundreds of millions of pounds."

"We all exist due to a radioactive explosion that formed the universe and with endless posibilities... ...you're sitting on your computer reading jokes on the internet."

"What do Australian terrorists say before attacking? Uluruakbar"

"My wife was abducted by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to her."

"I was going on my first date and my mom gave me a whistle... I asked her what purpose does this serve to which she replied, ""to remind you not to blow it."""

"Kid wants to sit at table, isn't tall enough Me: WHERE ARE ALL THE PHONEBOOKS?! Him: U threw them out saying, who the hell uses phone books?"

"Me: I love you Wife: I will testify against you if required"