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Joke of the Day

"I recently started the new Brexit diet So far I've lost hundreds of millions of pounds."

"From my Dad: I never did get around to paying for my exorcism So now I've been repossessed."

"I need to know your best 'Yo Mama' Joke. I just got schooled in a Yo mama rank fest(Yes i'm 39, so what) and I need some serious ammo to get back at this ass. Thank you all."

"My half-brothers had a Hungarian dad and an Eskimo dad. My dad was from Wales. Our dinner table was like the U.N...only with slapping."

"Friend: OMG did u see the thing on the news about the sinister clowns? Me: *flashback to me watching the debate* yeah I think I saw that"

"A man brings some condoms to the cashier... ""I thought those were $4.99"" said the man ""35 cents for the tax"" replied the cashier ""Oh, I was wondered what kept those things on."""

"A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. So the bear says to the rabbit: ""do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?"" The rabbit says no. So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit."

"The Koreans were printing with movable type in 1403. I was in 1402 and the noise kept me awake all night. - from MASH"

"I carry a bar of soap in my pocket so when someone tries to talk to me I can pull it out and say someone is paging me and leave."

"I just want to apologize to all the guys I dated BEFORE I started using Prozac. And to their wives. And their local fire departments."