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Joke of the Day
"My wife was abducted by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to her."
Next Joke
"What's the opposite of Adele? Amac or BB-Mac (you pick which one's funnier)"
"I'm fairly tall so folks are always asking me ""Do you play basketball?"" My standard reply: ""No, do you play miniature golf?"""
"What did the depressed, illiterate pepperoni slice say when asked where he was with his life? Well it pizza heck out of me."
"I had to figure out what to do, to avoid a truck that had run a red light ... ... when suddenly I realized why the baseball had been getting bigger."
"I heard that Hillary Clinton is actually made of tofu. She's white, bland, uninspiring and not tasty unless dipped in melty cheese."
"Marriage is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit."
"Why did the hipsters die of dehydration? They stayed away from the mainstream."
"Why do plants hate math? ... Because it gives them square roots"
"""Russel Brand reports he keeps being told he needs to shake up his image"" or, as people have been phrasing it 'Rustle brand'."