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Joke of the Day

"Me: It's late. I guess I'll go to bed. -My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one ""Let's put up a tent in the living room"""

"What do you call a bear with no teeth?? A gummy bear!!!"

"I tried to make a joke about coins But it didn't make any cents"

"What's the most scandalous of the wonders of the ancient world? The Colossus of Scrotes."

"Jesus: I HAVE RETURNED [wife & I arguing about who used the last paper towel or some other shit] Jesus: OK I'MMA COME BACK LATER"

"How long is a meter in Spain? A Spanard"

"My grandfather died of asbestosis. Took 6 months to cremate him. This works better in person when you get the other person believing you first."

"Thou shalt not winky face smiley another man's twitter crush. -Emojenesis 8:15"

"When Facebook moms post how they can't believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write ""No way! I thought for sure he'd be held back!"""

"You know the joke about this guy playing with a loaded gun? Triggered."