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Joke of the Day

"Jesus: I HAVE RETURNED [wife & I arguing about who used the last paper towel or some other shit] Jesus: OK I'MMA COME BACK LATER"

"What happened when the Orange slept with the skanky Lemon? He got Lemonaids."

"How do you tell the difference between a terrorist and a tenured professor? You can negotiate with a terrorist."

"What is the cheapest type of meat? Deer testicles. They're under a buck."

"The NSA wants Edward Snowden to leave Russia. NSA: Hey Edward, you should really come back to America so we can talk. Edward: I can't. I'm Snowden."

"There's a reason it's called ""girls gone wild"" and not ""women gone wild"". When girls go wild, they show their tits. When women go wild, they kill men and drown their kids in a tub."

"Why did the stoner admire himself in the mirror everyday? Because he has a high opinion of himself"

"Healthy midgets don't exist. Midgets are always under the weather."

"*in the corridor of the club waiting for my transitions lenses to turn back into glasses* i'll see you ladies inside"

"*embraces diversity* Diversity: ""I have a boyfriend"""