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Joke of the Day

"Learned from my 2yr old tonight that Jesus doesn't like bananas. No word on cauliflower yet but pretty sure he's not a fan."

"*comes home from poker night earlier than usual looks at wife while picking up the dog and leaves without saying anything*"

"How do you know someone went to Harvard? They tell you."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, WOW! that one REALLY looked female."

"Poke joke Knock knock? who's there? Shaymin. Shaymin who? Shame in you!"

"I went to the gym today. Just kidding, I walked down the block and yelled at the neighbor kids for screaming while I'm trying to nap."

"Neighbor may have just called the cops after hearing me yell at the cat for stealing my cheese bread"

"At Walgreens I asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around and looked them in the eyes and said, ""Make it 52""."

"In congested traffic, it's best to stay on the right side of the road. It'd be a real tragedy if you were on the wrong side."

"There's nobody in this world who gives LESS of a FUCK about helping you and your problem than a person working in customer service."